out of sight - out of mind

I am not happy that I have started to abandon this blog. That's what I always do and this was supposed to be the vehicle to help me change my patterns.

I've only even remembered the blog a couple of times. I haven't had it up in it's own window and so I totally forgot about it. I forget about everything that I can't see.

I have been writing. A lot. But this week started to be bad. For the last week I've had absolutely no interest in the novel I'm supposed to be focusing on. I think it sucks. I hate it and I want to work on something else. I always abandon projects like this and apparently a lot of writers struggle with this - so I am really, really trying to force myself to follow my outline and finish the first draft.

But last night I had an idea for another story so I spent a few hours outlining it instead of working on the novel. So now I have 4 novels, 3 screenplays and 1 TV drama that are waiting for my attention. And I have the hardest time keeping my mind from fleeting back and forth between them.

I wish I could go somewhere to write but even after my son leaves for the summer my stupid cats can't be left alone for more than 1 night.

Even though I'm disgusted with my writing this week I still feel incredibly motivated because I really think this is my chance to switch careers. If I don't do it now I will get trapped again.

Is the blog going to be something else I quit...?

I haven't posted or even thought about, this blog for weeks. Partly I think it's because I'm writing so much everyday on my novel and tracking other story ideas that the thought of having to write anything else is overwhelming.

But part of it is, of course, that I always do this; start something with enthusiasm and lose commitment within a short period of time until I abandon it completely.

I am trying very hard to avoid that pattern with my daily writing. It's not easy - and I'm not meeting my goal of 3,000 words per day - but so far I haven't given up on it.

My biggest problem lately has been fighting the feeling that my writing is shit. I have a huge problem moving my ideas from my head to the paper without sounding moronic. I am trying to tell myself to just get through the first draft and then I can go back and address the areas I'm concerned about.

I am trying not to feel like a delusional hack pursuing an unrealistic and unattainable goal. I'm not exactly succeeding but I am still writing.