Twilight makes it better???

Since my post about daydreaming I've been feeling more positive, optimistic, even excited. I've even been semi-productive and social over the last couple of days. Unfortunately, I think the way I got into this groove is a little disturbing for a woman of my age.

Basically, I feel better because of the book series and movie Twilight. I'm a grown woman excited about something made for tweens??!?!?

It all started earlier this week when I stumbled across something about the movie. I had heard vaguely about it before but hadn't paid any attention. Since I generally love vampires - and the male lead in the movie looked damn good - I decided to look online to see if I could watch it for free. I was only able to see the first half for free and the picture was grainy but I was hooked and needed to finish asap. I immediately ordered the movie, soundtrack and book series online. In just 24 hours I was watching the a beautiful, clear picture on my big screen TV.

And it was just as satisfying as I had hoped. The books arrived the next day and within 24 hours I had read the first two. They were fabulous.

Initially I felt happy and on the verge of tears. I listened endless to three songs from the Twilight soundtrack and took care of some stuff in the house that I've been putting off. Practically the only time I sat on the couch was to read.

Now I don't feel on the verge of tears anymore but I feel lighter, younger. Watching the "making of" portion of the DVD got me excited again about my own film ideas and reminded me of how much I want to go to film school. So although I think that a woman my age who is that interested in Twilight is a little disturbing I am glad it has helped me feel better even if it's only temporary.

Daydreams

I spend much of my life in my head. I know it's obvious that daydreaming is an escape mechanism but I am troubled by the amount of time I spend there. I daydream the body I want, the love I want, success at work, confidence in the world.

I've told myself that all the daydreaming isn't a waste of time because it allows me to visualize my future and would help me to become the person I wanted. While, on occasion, it may have helped me to think through the different options and prepare myself, for the most part it was simply an escape.

I'm sorry to say that after over a decade of daydreaming I still don't look the way I want to look, don't act the way I want to act, don't have the love I want. I am not the person I want to be and I am not living the life I want to live. And now I've wasted more than a decade.